The many ways grief can show up in your body and your days, and the signs it may be time to ask for more support.
Last reviewed · For readers in Australia
In short
There’s no right way to grieve, and no timetable.
Grief can show up in your body, your sleep and your thinking.
If it stays very heavy, or you feel unsafe, help is there, including Lifeline on 13 11 14.
When someone you love dies, grief can arrive in ways nobody warned you about. It might be a heaviness that sits in your chest all day, or a strange calm that makes you wonder whether you’re grieving “properly”. It might come in waves, quiet for a week and then overwhelming in the supermarket because their favourite biscuits are on special.
All of that is part of grief. This guide describes some of the ways it can show up, and the signs that it might be time to ask for more help. If you need to talk to someone right now, Lifeline is there on 13 11 14, day and night, and in an emergency please call 000.
There’s no right way to grieve
GriefLink, a grief information service from South Australia, describes grief as a normal reaction to the death of someone close. People grieve very differently. Some want to talk about the person constantly, and some can’t bear to yet. Some cry a great deal, and some barely at all. Some feel relief, especially after a long illness, and then feel guilty for feeling it.
You may have heard of “stages” of grief. Many people find grief doesn’t move in a straight line at all. You might feel you’re doing better and then have a hard few days around a birthday or an anniversary. That isn’t going backwards. It’s simply how grief tends to move.
How grief can feel in your body
healthdirect, the Australian Government’s health information service, explains that grief can be exhausting. It can affect your sleep and appetite, and some people notice stomach aches, headaches, body aches or muscle weakness. Because it’s so tiring, it can also leave you more prone to colds.
Small, ordinary care can help. Try to eat something at regular times, even if it’s only toast, and get outside for a few minutes each day if you can. Going to bed at a similar time can help even when sleep is patchy, and it’s alright to rest without needing a reason.
How grief can feel in your mind
Grief can make it hard to concentrate, remember appointments or make decisions. You might reread the same paragraph three times, or find yourself standing in a room wondering why you came in. Many people feel anger, guilt, numbness, longing or disbelief, sometimes all in one afternoon.
If you can, put off big decisions, such as moving house, for a while. And let the people around you take some of the practical load. Our guide to what to do when someone dies breaks the paperwork into small steps, so it can wait until you’re ready.
When grief stays very heavy
For most people, grief slowly becomes easier to carry, even though it never quite leaves. For some, it stays intense for a long time. healthdirect calls this prolonged grief disorder, or complicated grief. It may be more likely after the loss of a close family member, after a particularly traumatic death, or for children and teenagers.
healthdirect describes how it can feel: stuck or “emotionally paralysed”, lost or alone, confused, overwhelmed by sadness, with an ongoing longing for the past and a future that seems empty.
When to ask for help
healthdirect suggests it’s a good idea to seek help if:
you have persistent feelings of sadness and despair
your grief has been distressing for 12 months or more
your grief is getting in the way of your everyday life
It also suggests seeking help if grief is affecting your work or relationships, making it very hard to do anything or to be with other people, stopping you sleeping, changing how you eat, causing intense and ongoing distress, or bringing thoughts of harming yourself.
You don’t have to wait until things are that hard. Talking with someone early is a perfectly good reason to call.
If you’re having thoughts of harming yourself, please call 000 if you’re in immediate danger, or Lifeline on 13 11 14, or the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467.
Where to find support
A good first step is often your GP, who can talk with you about how you’re sleeping and coping, and help you find counselling if you’d like it. There are also free services across Australia:
Griefline offers grief support on 1300 845 745, weekdays from 10am to 8pm AEST/AEDT, and online forums where you can talk with others who are grieving at any hour. Griefline is now part of SANE Australia.
Beyond Blue has free counselling by phone on 1300 22 4636 and by webchat, 24 hours a day.
GriefLink has clear information about different kinds of grief, and links to bereavement services.
Some people find a support group helps, because everyone in the room understands without needing it explained.
Keeping them close
Many people find comfort in small rituals: lighting a candle on their birthday, cooking their recipe, keeping a jumper that still smells of them. Some write letters to the person who died, or gather their stories with family. Our guide to writing letters to the people you love and our questions to ask might help when you’re ready. Take all the time you need.
Your GP A good first step if grief is affecting your health, sleep or everyday life.
Sources we checked (4)
Each fact in this guide was checked against these official pages on 23 October 2026. Rules and forms change, so please check the source for your own situation.
This is general information, not legal, financial, insurance or medical advice. For your own situation, please speak with a qualified professional or the official body named above.
